Don't Stutter, Don't Fear

Logic 18002738255 "I finally wanna be alive I don't wanna die today I don't wanna die I finally wanna be alive I finally wanna be alive I don't wanna die" I want you to get to that point, beautiful. Because I am there, and it is a tough battle, but I promise you can win it! Hey you, hang in there. It does get a lot better. "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." But, it does get better. I don't know if you who is reading this is a Christian or not, but I want to let you know that prayer works. I have been praying a lot lately and I know others have been praying for me also since they knew I have been struggling. People have "appeared" in my life recently and I know it is not by coincidence because God has placed them there for me. There are no coincidences with God. People have come at the perfect time for me when I was at my weakest. Last week, I had one of the best nights of my l...

(Don't read this if suicide and depression are sensitive subjects for you.) MDD. It's ugly. It came and hit like a category 5 hurricane. No interest to do anything, except sleep. That sounds great. Except... the nightmares. They hit and there is no relief because you can't wake yourself up. You sleep more than normal, yet you are so tired. Always. Yet, you sleep to try to get some relief, even though there is none. The stress of everything is 100x harder than it ever has been. Everything bad that has ever happened comes flooding back. You have panic attacks. You feel like you can't breathe, and you wish that you weren't. Nothing sounds good. You rarely take showers because it feels like it steals so much of your energy. You look at yourself in the mirror and you can't even tell who the person is looking back at you. You know suicide is not the right answer, yet it is haunting you day by day. Everyday. You have no drive to live, to try. You have always kn...

"I'll be honest with all that I've been through I've been runnin' after everything but you And I'll be honest Nothing satisfies Like the love I find inside your eyes" My depression decided to rear its ugly head again, only this time, it's worse than normal. This is the worst stage I have ever went through and I don't know when it is going to end, but I hope it is soon. Listen, I know suicide is not the answer, but do you know how hard it is to fight those thoughts away when you have them? My depression doesn't really have a reason I guess like some people would say. I just know that it is hard to be happy when your inner thoughts fight with you constantly. I am on a liberal campus away from my family so maybe that is an explanation. Sometimes there isn't an explanation. I just know that currently I'm typing through tears.  The last two weeks I have been waking up with awful headaches and I have bee...

My story began on September 16, 1998. 
 I was born that day. Man, the world had no idea what it was getting. A sassy girl, that had a big heart and lots of love. Yet, there would be many hardships that I was unaware of. 
 My memories of my younger years consist of hanging out with my cousins at our grandparent's house, spending time with my best friend at the time (my Grandma Judy), and so much happiness. In 2007, I had to have surgery on my skull. I had a mass that was growing on it and the more I grew, the more the "mass" grew. It was kind of like a benign tumor. The surgery was very expensive and my parents had no idea how they were going to pay for it. We got a lot of donations, but we were still short a lot of it. Thank so to a generous donor, we had all the money and my surgery took place on December 17, 2007. The doctors had to cut all the way from my left ear to my hairline to get it out. I was at Riley Hospital for 5 or 6 days. My surgery went great. I ...