"I Finally Want to be Alive"

Logic 18002738255

"I finally wanna be alive

I don't wanna die today

I don't wanna die

I finally wanna be alive

I finally wanna be alive

I don't wanna die"

I want you to get to that point, beautiful. Because I am there, and it is a tough battle, but I promise you can win it!

Hey you, hang in there. It does get a lot better. "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." But, it does get better.
I don't know if you who is reading this is a Christian or not, but I want to let you know that prayer works. I have been praying a lot lately and I know others have been praying for me also since they knew I have been struggling. People have "appeared" in my life recently and I know it is not by coincidence because God has placed them there for me. There are no coincidences with God. People have come at the perfect time for me when I was at my weakest.
Last week, I had one of the best nights of my life here in college. A few of my FCA friends texted me out of nowhere and asked if I had anything I wanted them to pray for me about. I told them that the past week I was in a really bad place and that my depression had been worse than normal. He instantly texted back and said he did not want me to be alone, so him and two other friends came and picked me up. We went on a drive and ended up in Dolan, Indiana which is 15+ minutes from campus. We did not know where we were going, he was just driving. They talked to me in the car and reminded me of how loved I am. We ended up sitting on a dock on a random lake and just talked. I have never been shown that kind of love from someone so close in age to me. I almost cried when one of them said, "Cassie there is nowhere else I would rather be than in this car with you right now. You are so loved and you ARE NOT A BURDEN."
See, when God knows we are struggling, he sends little things like this that end up meaning the world to us. God does not leave us alone in these trials, see he is always there.. We never take the time to see him. When we are going through the valley, he does not leave us there alone. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. If you do not believe that to be true, you need to ask yourself what voice you are listening to...

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”Deuteronomy 31:8

See, when we get in our weakest moments, we do not turn to God, we start listening to the wrong voice. We should be focusing on God, but instead, we worry so much about meaningless things. Lately I have been reminding myself that I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN. I need God's help, and for the longest time I would tell myself that I was not worthy of His love. I would say that I have messed up so many times and he could not accept me. Or, I would say that I do not want love from a God that would let me go through this storm.. But, guess what? That whole time you were/are going through that storm, God waits for you to return. He is not just sitting there while this all goes on. He wants you to turn back to Him..
He is your shield, whether you accept it or not. Remember that even in the lowest of lows, the Most High is right by your side. I love you, and most importantly God loves you. Those days when you do not feel like getting out of bed or you do not even have the strength to get up to take a shower... God loves you.
Those days you feel like the whole world is against you...... God loves you
Those days you feel all alone..... God loves you
Those days you think you have no purpose.... you DO... and God loves you
Those days where you would rather be dead than alive... God loves you

HE LOVES YOU. You are NOT ALONE. Please remember that it is okay to not be okay, but it is not okay to stay that way. You are not weak if you seek help. I have a Christian Counselor and I take medication, and I am not ashamed of either, because I know that they are both helping me immensely. Please remember when you are in the pit, you don't have to fight it alone. Head up darling, please do not let that beautiful tiara fall.... I know a verse that has helped me through is 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you" and he does... You just need to taste and see, my friend.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him." Psalm 40:1-3 

My friend, you are not alone, and if you feel like you are, I hope and pray that you will reach out to someone, because you are NOT A BURDEN. You may think you are, but you are listening to the wrong voice, I promise. I love you, and like I said before, God loves you even more. Reach out to someone please.. Know you always have someone, you are never alone. You are a masterpiece, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You're beautiful. You're perfect. God loves you!