Don't Stutter, Don't Fear

I’m back on depression meds. Also on anxiety meds. Back to seeing a therapist. Back to feeling completely and utterly hopeless.  It’s really hard to think you’re not failing and to think you’re doing “great” and that you’re “so strong” and “admirable” when you feel like crap mentally and physically. It’s hard to feel like you’re being a “good Christian” when you don’t even know how to pray, spend time reading, worship, etc. when you barely even have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. It’s hard to wake up and want to live when you don’t want to be alive. It’s hard to not feel alone when you’re in a room full of people that love you and you still feel completely alone and unloved. It’s hard when you’re driving and you hear a voice tell you to “speed up and run into those trees, that will be quick and easy and not painful.” It’s hard to feel like you’re being a positive example to others and pushing through when you just lay on a couch and stare at a tv show for hours and ho...

One thing I’m learning: I’ve made people my God. Don’t make people your God. They will disappoint you every time. Then, you’ll end up being upset and disappointed by God Himself. People aren’t God, for a reason... People will disappoint you. People will leave. People will act like you were never an important part of their life. People will stop reaching out.  People will say you are family but not show it.  People will blame you for them distancing themselves. People will lie. People will cheat. People will stop responding. People will not be there for you when you’re grieving.  People will stop checking in. People will tell you things that aren’t true about yourself. (You’re a burden, etc.) Will all people do this? Of course not, but people also aren’t God and you WILL get let down. When you have Godly expectations of humans, of course you will get let down. When you make people, friendships, relationships, etc. your God, then of course you’ll be disappointed in the God ...